Having Four Kids (Part 1)

Humans are a funny bunch. We can be so different in so many ways. We can keep parts of our lives private from those we trust the most, but be so forthcoming about other areas on Facebook and Twitter. Not surprisingly, our openness to others varies from person to person and situation to situation. But, there seem to be certain events, or circumstances, that bring out similarities in large percentages of humans. Over the past three and a half years, my wife and I have discovered that having four kids is one of them.

Complete strangers come up to us nearly every time we leave the house. It can be shopping, eating out, seeing a movie, walking into a hotel, in a small town or large city, crossing into Canada; there doesn't seem to be a filter. Frankly, it's more than a bit puzzling. But, seeing a married couple with four girls jumping around them like poodles waiting to use the same hydrant seems to force out questions from 72% of cashiers, 89% of waitresses, and 74% of random people browsing the same public businesses we are. The most commonly asked questions and statements are below. Enjoy.

"You really have your hands full."
I always use the stock answer, "Every day." But, it's getting harder and harder to fight the urge to come back with, "No, shit." Having four of anything is having your hands full, since, you know, we each only have two hands. But, yes, having four kids is exhausting and we do have our hands full. Is it really necessary to call it out in public? Do I say to the cashier of Wal-Mart or McD's, "Boy, your job must really suck"? These people earn a paycheck by serving people who wear PJ pants at three in the afternoon on a Tuesday. It's implied. So, I don't point out the obvious. It'd be nice if they'd return the favor.

"Are all these girls yours?"
Uh, yes, they are. As a teacher, I know very well the high number of divorced and blended families out there. Apparently, it's quite shocking to many people that my wife and I are the actual birth parents of four kids and neither of us have been divorced. It's depressing to consider that most people automatically assume that we're on our second marriages because we have four kids. 

I'm also aware that many times parents will take their own kids, as well as friends of their children, out in public. But, when they're all calling us "Mommy" and "Daddy", are yelling at each other like only siblings can, and they all look alike, it really shouldn't be that difficult a question to answer on your own. 

"Dad, you better get a gun."
"You guys will be in serious trouble in a few years."
Yes, we have four daughters who are, and I don't want to sound like an arrogant jerk, but they are beautiful. Since I am a male, and was once a teenage male, I know what will be happening soon. But, my preparation does not end there. Far from it.

Do people seriously think I haven't been plotting various intimidation techniques since the first ultrasound showed nothing in the groin area? Why do you think I teach middle school? For the love of kids? Ha! I've been researching the evolving male mind (yes, it does evolve) for the past decade, learning their new techniques, lingo, strategies, moves, favorite singers, movies, clothing styles, anything that may be used to coerce my daughters. Think of me as a longstanding member of 21 Jump Street. I've been infiltrating the enemy's network for some time now. I am well prepared for "serious trouble". Thanks for your concern, kind stranger.

"They all look like your wife."
Well, duh. I would hope so. I've seen women who look like men and vice versa. It can be confusing, I suppose. That's not the case here. I don't look like a girl. My daughters do. So does my wife. It's not surprising they look like her. Thank God. Though, if at least one of them looked like me, I wouldn't be so concerned with the "serious trouble" mentioned above.

"Wow. Dad, you're outnumbered, aren't you?"
Another obvious question. Let's move on.

"Are you going to try for a boy?"
"Are you done?"
"Are you going for a full basketball team?"
I realize in the social media age people share information they never would have shared in the past. But, why would anyone think it's okay to ask these questions? Why do they even care? Are they gathering shopping data for Old Navy? Do they work for the U.S. Census? Are any of these people's lives going to change with knowing the answers to these questions? So, why ask them? Because we have four girls, that's why.

Again, it's very tempting to not to just turn and shoot from the hip. "No, we're not done. You see, I'm 1/8th Apache and my wife is 1/12th Japanese. So, we thought we'd keep going to see if we can eventually have a child who looks like an Asian Native American and really mess with people. And get some kick ass college scholarships."

For the record, yes, we are done. Done and done. No, we never thought to "try for a boy". How does that even work, by the way? Was I supposed to be thinking about baseball? I was always told that strategy was for something else entirely. Perhaps, I was misinformed. 

Truthfully, neither my wife nor I wanted one sex over another. Having a healthy, happy baby was our only real concern. Thankfully, our prayers were answered each time. Actually, by our fourth pregnancy I was actually worried that we might have a boy. Being a father of multiple girls is hard enough. I can't imagine being the brother of three older sisters. Shiver.

I do understand why so many people feel the urge to speak with us in public. We're not a quiet bunch. We stand out. The girls are beautiful. And funny. And so very, very loud. We almost demand a response. It could also be that many people wouldn't have four kids if they were paid a monthly stipend and promised a reality television show. (More on this in the upcoming Part 2 of this topic.) 

I would be surprised if people didn't react to us. But, is it so wrong to expect some originality once in a while? Something different than the standard reactions and questions would be nice. 

"You must be an amazing mom having to deal with so many female issues every day." 
My wife is amazing. I often get the sympathy from those who respond to us in public. While it is appreciated, people really aren't paying attention. My wife deals with many more issues than me. Bathroom trips and handling any problems or discomfort in the genital area are just the tip of the iceberg. (Once more penises enter the picture, I'll be front and center much more frequently.) 

"Wow, Dad, you must be quite manly since you're the only male in your family."
Why, yes, yes, I am. Thanks for noticing.

See the difference in these quick examples than those listed earlier? Try using them next time you see a family with more than two kids. There are other families like ours out there. We have bi-weekly meetings through Skype. (That many families with so many kids would cause a tsunami of public interruptions, so we stick to a much less invasive strategy.) 

Remember, you won't just be helping us; you're be helping yourself and our country's economy. Complimenting instead of questioning always goes much further in earning a larger tip, a heartfelt apology for the mess left behind, and a possible return trip. I agree, it's a bit of a good news/bad news situation. But, so is parenting.

(Again, more coming in Part 2...)

Raping the Rape Victim

The Golden Rule: Treat others as you want to be treated

Seems like a good idea, common sense, even. It's a simple rule of human interaction dating back century upon century. It's a basic principle that works in every culture and religion. So, what's the problem? Obviously, we are.

Sometimes I wonder...will God ever forgive us for what we've done to each other?

I was watching the movie Blood Diamond recently. It's an excellent and disturbing film. It's hard to watch in many places, even more so knowing it's based on true events. Leonardo DiCaprio's mercenary character is talking to Jennifer Connelly's journalist about some of the tragedies he's seen in Africa. I suppose some people might brush that off as being a third world issue. I think we all know better than that. Just watching the news, or looking online, can easily prove that train of thought wrong.

Case in point, a seventeen-year-old girl named Rehtaeh Parsons killed herself in Nova Scotia awhile back. Nearly two years ago, she was allegedly gang raped by four boys.

You've heard it before. A teen party, no adults present, of course. Too much alcohol. Teenage boys take advantage of the situation.

That alone is more than any human, let alone a teenager, should have to bear. But, there's more. The rape itself wasn't enough. Over the next year and a half, she was harassed online and at school. Constantly. 

During the attack, a photo was taken, uploaded, and went viral. As usual, the victim received the abuse. She's a slut. She asked for it. It's her fault. Girls making fun of her, boys asking her out and harassing her. She finally had enough and tried to hang herself. She was taken off life support a few days later.

Now the Canadian authorities are moving on the case they once ignored and closed. Suddenly, new evidence has come to light. I'm sure her mom, who found her and had to cut her down, is relieved at the authorities' prompt response to her daughter's case.

My heart breaks for Rehtaeh. I'm not even sure how to pronounce her name. Yet, my chest is heavy and rage is bubbling just beneath the surface. It would be bad enough if this happened to one girl. But, it's never just one girl.

Many of us know about the recent case in Steubenville, Ohio, involving over-privileged high school football players. To no one's surprise, alcohol was involved, so was a witness using a smartphone to film the act. Again, no responsible adults. Again, the victim was on the receiving end of a non-stop Twitter barrage that blamed her. Even once the boys were convicted, it's still the victim's fault. She's still being bombarded on social media for ruining the boys' lives. It seems few are concerned with the victim's life.

A girl in California named Audrie Pott, 15, committed suicide for the same thing. Alcohol. Raped by three boys. Photo taken. Uploaded, going viral. Harassment. Three teen boys have been arrested. According to their lawyer, people should reserve judgment and his clients should be considered innocent. Hmmm. That's an excellent idea. But, it's too late to reserve judgment on Audrie, isn't it? Or Rehtaeh. Or the victim in Steubenville. Or all the others in the past, present, and future. We all know there are more out there.

What happened to treating each other like we want to be treated? We've all made mistakes, some much bigger and more tragic than others. Many, many, many of them involve alcohol. I'm asking those pathetic "friends" and classmates of these victims, how would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot?

Teens rarely do anything alone, especially drink. What happened to Audrie, Rehtaeh, and all the others could've happened to their friends, right? Are these friends really that much smarter, or better, or different than the victims? Whatever happened to people actually supporting a friend who's going through a tough time? Isn't that the whole point of having a friend? Being there for the fun stuff is easy. Anyone can do that. It's the rough times when friends are actually needed.

I haven't seen any of these photos or videos that were taken and uploaded in each case. But, they all sound the same. They all seem to involve an unconscious or semi-conscious girl. There's vomit nearby. She has no idea what is happening to her. And yet, the blame is placed on her. Every. Fucking. Time.

Is the victim partially to blame for being there and putting herself in a potentially dangerous situation? Yes. Who hasn't done something similar? Any time anyone drinks publicly, there's a risk. Any time you get behind the wheel of car, or even the passenger or back seat, you're putting yourself in danger.

I've always considered rape to be the most heinous crime of all. Now, I'm not so sure. As repulsive and damaging as the act is, the response of people after the victim comes forward seems to be worse. At least to me. I can't imagine going through both. Whatever mistakes a person has made, no one deserves that.

Those thoughts alone have forced me to reconsider a truth of fatherhood I never thought possible.

My wife knows that if any of our girls are harmed in such a way, I will go to jail. There's never been any hesitation about what I would do. I don't own a gun. But, I know plenty who do. I might even borrow my cousin's bow. I will kill anyone who harms any of my girls. And I'll do it slowly. There's never been any doubt. Rape committed against my daughter. Rapist dead. Slowly. Simple. I've long accepted that as gospel.

Only it's not so simple anymore. I'd have to wait to see who would be blamed for the crime. I might have to delay killing those responsible for the attack to find out if my victimized and broken daughter will be betrayed by her friends and harassed by everyone else. I never considered my daughter might be bullied and blamed for being attacked, that her friends might turn on her. It's hard enough to even visualize the act itself.

It does make me wonder about my teen years. If something had happened like that in my hometown, and we had Facebook, Twitter, and texting, would we blame the victim? Would the girl be blamed and the boys championed? Of course, we had a crappy football team, so maybe not.

The second half of DiCaprio's Blood Diamond quote keeps popping back up to the surface no matter how much I try to push it down...

Then I look around and I realize...God left this place a long time ago.

Personally, I don't believe that to be true. But, it does make me wonder, has His work left? Think about it. Who's responsible for spreading God's will and work? We are. But, if we're too busy harassing rape victims and defending the actual rapists, I can't see things getting any better. Which only leaves one possible direction.

The more I think about this, the more depressed I become. In order for the Golden Rule to work, before we can truly treat others how we want to be treated, one basic event has to happen. We actually have to care about others. Because if we don't care, why would God stick around? Even more upsetting, would we even be able to tell the difference?

Shut Us Down; Kick 'Em Out

I heard something disturbing on the radio this morning. A local radio station had a news break about the government shutdown. The DJ repeated a quote from overseas, stating, "The American government is sucking the blood out of their own people." That's one way of putting it. The problem I had wasn't the quote itself, it's actually quite astute, but who said it. Al Qaeda.

No, I'm not kidding. 

For the first time in history, I heard something from these terrorists that didn't make me feel like I'm looking through a red cloud. Nope. This time, they were right. They made sense. F**king Al Qaeda.

What that does say about our country when a group of terrorists make more sense than our "leaders"? 

I read an interesting article this week. Apparently, a very similar government dispute happened in Australia in 1975. Parliament couldn't agree on a budget and there was a government shutdown. The Queen of England's right hand man fired the Prime Minister in Australia and appointed a new one. Shockingly, a budget was quickly approved. His first action was to sack the entire Australian Parliament. Boom. No more government shutdown. They haven't had an issue since. Sounds good to me. Of course, it also makes sense, so Lord knows that can't happen here. We're too busy dealing with our seventeenth shutdown. Yes, seventeenth.

Of course, Australia had to have massive new elections to restock their Parliament. Fine with me. Personally, I'm all in for restocking our shelves. Every once in awhile, we need to clear out the old food from the fridge. I can smell that spoiled food in D.C. all the way out here in Starbucksland. Let's toss 'em.

We might elect leaders who actually care about our country. It's pretty obvious that our current "leaders" don't. Listen to any member of Congress, or any news show on any television station, they are always talking about Democrat and Republican strategies. And that's the problem. As usual, they're not prioritizing properly.

Why are they all so worried about their political party and not about the overall country? Why is it always us against them, instead of us working together, to solve a problem? Simple. They don't care. That's why.

Why don't they care? Why don't they do their damn jobs? Because they don't have to. 

Has any member of Congress been furloughed? No. Is there even a remote possibility that would happen? No. Does the shutdown effect them at all? No. Everyone hates them anyway; they know it. We know it. No one has any confidence in them; they know it. We know it. It's been that way for years and nothing has changed. So, why should they do their jobs?

Doing your job well comes from two main sources, pride and fear. When people take pride in their work, they want to solve a problem. They stay late, arrive early, communicate with others and compromise to solve the issue. It's obvious, if these "leaders" actually had any sense of pride in doing their job effectively, this shutdown never would have happened. But, it did, and that speaks volumes.

That leaves fear. Most of us know that if we don't do our job effectively, we won't have that job anymore. Anyone think our "leaders" have that same knowledge? I'm thinking, no. What do they fear? Most of them have been there for years, if not decades. They argue and bicker and accomplish nothing again and again and again, and they're still there. They've dug in deep and they're sucking us dry. We need to send in a veterinarian to burn them out like a tick chewing on a dog's flesh.

These "leaders" came to the difficult decision that their members only free gym is "essential" enough to stay open, at tax payer expense. Yet, the Center for Disease Control in Atlanta could only keep one person watching for disease outbreaks for our entire country. Today, they brought back numerous more employees when there was an outbreak of eighteen people getting Salmonella from a Foster Farms chicken farm in California. 

Apparently, there was sound reasoning behind this decision. "This job is very stressful and if you don't have a place to vent, you are going to go crazy..." said Rep. Don Young (R-Alaska). Yep. Absolutely. Not doing your job and screwing over three hundred million Americans must be exhausting. Grab an extra towel (that we're paying for) when you hit that sauna, Mr. Young. After all, having free access to a basketball court is far more important, excuse me, essential, than the Head Start program. Be sure to follow through with that jump shot, because missing that big shot could add even more stress, and we can't have that. 

Something tells me that if we did dump our beloved "leaders", the next group might be a bit more concerned with keeping their jobs, which would mean they might actually do their jobs. Imagine that. Well, imagining is all we can do. We all know there is no way our "leaders" are going anywhere. But, then again, we keep bringing over television shows from across the pond, maybe we can bring some common sense, too.

Or, I could take my family and we could go throw another shrimp on the barbie. After all, summer is right around the corner Down Under. Which makes me wonder, if we all went on "walk-about", would our "leaders" even notice? Or would the steam from the stress-reducing sauna keep fogging up their vision?

George Zimmerman

Like many people, I have strong feelings about the American justice system. Often, those feelings fall on the negative side, especially after large, well-publicized cases end with unpopular or surprising verdicts like O.J. Simpson and Casey Anthony. Now, George Zimmerman has joined the club.

Granted, I am not a lawyer and I didn't hear all the evidence, but I'm still having a hard time with this verdict. First, Zimmerman seems like a decent enough guy. I'm sure he regrets his actions. (I expect the reasons for his regret are tangled around killing a teen and the wrath he's taken from the public ever since and will continue to take for years to come. Either way, regret is regret.) I'm sure he'd take it back if he could.

I know he never meant for things to go this far. By all indications, Zimmerman is a solid guy who wanted to be something he wasn't, a cop. So, he did the next best thing (in his mind); he became the head of his neighborhood's watch program. Good for him. Seriously.

I'm all for citizens looking out for their neighbors. By all means, if you see a suspicious person, call 911. Well done. Accept the appreciation of your neighbors and the thanks from the local police and go about your business. Zimmerman had done this many times before. According to police records, he had called 911 forty-six times since 2004. Unfortunately, he had other ideas with call forty-seven. And that's where the worm turns.

From the last 911 call, it's obvious that Zimmerman is irritated by Trayvon Martin. "Assholes like this always get away." We've all made instant judgments of people we haven't met. I've done it many times, I'm sad to say. Maybe they are assholes and maybe they aren't. Either way, I haven't shot any of them. Most of us don't.

George Zimmerman crossed the line. Many lines, actually. When you go against the directions of a 911 operator who you called, you're crossing a line. When you step out of the car and initiate contact with a "real suspicious" person, you're crossing a line. When you get out of that car with a gun, you're crossing a much more dangerous line. When you shoot and kill an unarmed teenager, you're crossing a tragic, life altering/ending line.

Crossing lines is like running down a steep hill. The more lines you cross, the steeper the hill, the faster you run, and the harder it is to stop yourself. That can be an exhilarating feeling to be on the edge like that. It can also be scary. You may see the next, thickest line coming up fast. By that time, your forward momentum gets to the point that it's impossible to pull yourself back. I think this is what happened to George Zimmerman and what killed Trayvon Martin.

Some people believe that Trayvon Martin's death was "justifiable" and apparently the six jurors did, as well. I can't see how. All he did wrong was buy a soda and Skittles and walk down the same road George Zimmerman was driving down at the same time. I've tried to visualize what exactly Zimmerman saw that was so upsetting. According to his 911 call, Zimmerman was concerned because Trayvon was wearing a hoodie and walking in the rain. (Good thing George Zimmerman lives in Florida. In the Pacific Northwest, his 911 calls would've been in the hundreds instead of under fifty.) But, if Trayvon was doing anything suspicious, wouldn't someone else have seen something? Apparently not.

I've read the transcript from his 911 call. Zimmerman never states what was so suspicious about Trayvon Martin. I wonder if he even knows now. He says This guy looks like he's up to no good, or he's on drugs or something. He never says why he thinks this. Even if he did believe it, why approach someone who you think is on drugs when no one is at immediate risk? There were no other people around. The police were on their way. Why risk setting this "suspect" off and possibly making things worse? 

Even if Martin was doing something wrong, Zimmerman had already called 911. The police were coming. Why get out of the car at all? Why bring a gun unless to initiate something? People have said that Zimmerman probably had the gun to protect himself. From what, a sugar high? 

Florida has the much publicized and maligned "Stand Your Ground" Law. So be it. But, I still don't see how that applies in this case. Again, Trayvon Martin was walking down the street eating candy. What exactly was George Zimmeran standing his ground against? 

I keep hearing the debate in court and in the social media about who was beating up who. Zimmerman's back was wet and had grass on it. His nose was bleeding. Maybe Martin was kicking Zimmerman's ass. Maybe he did fear for his life. But, he chose to cross those lines that got him to that point in the first place. The only lines that we know for sure that Martin crossed were the ones on the sidewalk. 

This isn't a rant for or against gun control. Zimmerman had every legal right to carry a pistol. More power to him. Maybe it fed his wannabe cop persona, maybe it really was for protection, whatever. I don't really care. The problem I have is a grown man made poor decisions that ended with the death of an innocent teenager. It never should have happened. A "Not Guilty" verdict should not have happened either.

I can't help but wonder...would George Zimmerman feel any differently if it were his son who was shot down in the same situation? Would he think justice had been done with a "Not Guilty" verdict? Would he feel his son's death was justified? Would any of us? 

How many of us were accused of looking like we were "up to no good" when we were seventeen? How many of our neighbors had guns? Obviously, we're all still here. Seems like our neighbors used better common sense than George Zimmerman and those six jurors.

One last thought. Zimmerman has been receiving death threats since the incident happened. Those threats have spiked considerably since the verdict. That's not surprising really. It happens every time a well publicized case ends with an unpopular verdict. 

If I were Zimmerman, I wouldn't worry too much about those threats. Usually, people like that are simply blowing off steam. Those threats are rarely acted upon. I'd be more concerned about walking down the street in the rain, eating a snack. He'd better not be wearing a hoodie either. 

Under those circumstances, any of us, including George Zimmerman, and our children, are fair, "justifiable" game. 

Going Viral for the Wrong Reason

It seems nearly every week, I hear about some new video that's "gone viral" on YouTube. Normally, I try to avoid them. Honestly, many of them seem ridiculous, annoying, and involve people doing something stupid. I get enough of that on a daily basis teaching middle school. I don't need to spend extra time in front of my computer watching more. But, I saw one yesterday. I wish I hadn't. It was a day ago and I'm still pissed.

Some twelve-year-old punk in Las Vegas saw a police motorcycle parked on a sidewalk outside a mini-mart. He waited for the cop to come out with his soda and then walked up to him while filming. He asked the policeman why he was parked on the sidewalk. Then he asked for the cop's badge number. Not surprisingly, the policeman wants to know why. 

"Because I have the right to."

And the cop has the right not to give it to a twelve-year-old punk who's filming him. What police officer in his/her right mind would give a badge number to anyone while they're being recorded on a public street? Would you give your phone number and address to someone under the same circumstances?

What bothers me the most about this is that most people commenting on YouTube are praising the kid. Apparently, he has "guts" and "bravery". Uh, no. The cop has guts and bravery. He's a policeman in Las Vegas. I can't imagine the kind of crap this man sees on and off duty in that town on a daily basis. In my opinion, he can park wherever the hell he wants. He can park on Wayne Newton's hair piece for all I care. 

The cop is being called arrogant and disrespectful because he parked on a sidewalk for the amount of time it took him to buy a soda. Really? Maybe the cop parked on the sidewalk to avoid taking up a legitimate parking spot. How many times have we fell for the mirage of an empty parking spot only to see it's taken up by some damn motorcycle. Personally, I'd prefer it if more motorcycles parked on sidewalks. More parking spots for the rest of us. Even if he did park on the sidewalk to save time, I don't care. He didn't set up a speed trap or a drug buy or sting operation while parked there. He bought a soda. Stop the presses.

The boy is also being praised for being polite. Please. Was the kid swearing or yelling? No. That doesn't mean he isn't a punk. I'm guessing he sees the bike parked there and thinks he can make a cop look foolish on video. Apparently, he was right. Which is just pathetic. I'm all for catching a cop for breaking the law. Film a bunch of cops beating an unarmed suspect. Damn straight. Record a policeman receiving a bribe. Absolutely. Film a cop stealing drugs or weapons. Well done. Film a cop soliciting a prostitute. Fine. But, this nowhere near that. This is sad.

Why do cops wear guns and tasers and mace and bulletproof vests? Because they could be gunned down eating lunch in a diner in Tacoma, Washington like four officers were a few years back. They can be killed on a routine traffic stop that seems to happen every freaking month. They can be killed trying to help during a domestic call. They can be killed trying to stop a robbery like my great grandfather in Seattle. They show up for work and can be attacked and killed a hundred different ways. They know this and they still do it. For us. But, we applaud some punk who films a cop getting a Pepsi and returning to his illegally parked bike? This is what we care about? Seriously?

Something tells me if this man served and protected you in a time of need, you wouldn't give a damn where he parked. Why can't that go viral?

Since this kid is so concerned with the law, I'm sure he won't mind being ticketed every time he jaywalks. Or is out after curfew. Or disposes of used batteries improperly. I'm sure he won't mind if his parents are ticketed for speeding. Every day. After all, the police have that right. Don't they, kid?

Whatever does happen, he brought it on himself. He broke the cardinal rule of his own town. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. 

At least it should have. 

Watching Someone Die

I've been told several times lately that I need to work on something. Apparently, I need to stress less about things I can't control. Sound advice, to be sure. But, it's easier said than done. Especially when it involves life and (avoidable) death. 

I read an article this week and then immediately had to read it a second time. It wasn't because of the skill level of the writer or because I couldn't concentrate. No, it was the content. I simply found it unbelievable. Maybe some small part of me hoped that I missed something, or perhaps just reading it again meant the events, somehow, would change. Of course, that didn't happen. 

An 87-year-old woman in California named Lorraine Bayliss is dead because a registered nurse refused to give her CPR. 

One might assume that the nurse refused to help this woman because she had AIDS or some other communicable disease and she was afraid for her own health. Or maybe Lorraine Bayliss was in a burning car or some other dangerous situation and the nurse couldn't get to her in time. Nope. 

Lorraine Bayliss lived at an independent senior living complex called Glenwood Gardens. She collapsed. 911 was called. The dispatcher pleaded with the nurse to give the woman CPR. She refused. Apparently, this Glenwood Gardens actually has a policy that states in the case of an emergency the medics are to be called and no life saving services are to be given. 

I'm assuming this policy is in place because of our American society is hellbent on suing everyone for everything. Perhaps the owners are trying to avoid a lawsuit. I get it. But, it's still wrong. Avoiding a lawsuit makes good business sense. It also makes you as compassionate as a cobra. 

The nurse in question was defended by the executive director of the establishment. He confirmed their policy, but said an investigation would be conducted. Well, I feel better. I'm sure the woman's family is relieved, as well. 

I've read excerpts from the 911 transcript and they're horrifying. 

"...is there anybody that's willing to help this lady and not let her die"?

"Not at this time."

Are you kidding me? The dispatcher gets desperate. She asks if there's a gardner, someone walking by, anyone who would perform CPR on this helpless, dying woman. Nope. 

Why does this place even employ a nurse? What's the point? It's like hiring a lifeguard and then having a rule forbidding employees to get wet. Why did this woman even take the job? What kind of nurse, no matter what any rules say, stands there, and watches another human being die? 

I really hope this nurse obeys every other rule and law with such fervor. I hope she doesn't speed. She better come to a complete stop at every light and stop sign. This woman's mattresses better have that "Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law" tag. Every damn mattress better have that tag. If not, I hope Inspector 12 throws the book at her. Maybe the Hippocratic Oath, as well.

I read earlier this year that a nurse was fired because she refused to get a flu shot. According to a press release, she was endangering the health of her patients by not getting one. You can't sneeze on a patient, but apparently you can watch one die. Good to know.

Of course, the politicians in California are calling for a review of the laws that allow such a thing to happen. This event has been labeled "a wake up call". You think? As seems to be an American custom, someone has to die tragically and publicly for something that should have been changed years ago to change now. 

I'm assuming this nurse's name will soon be leaked. I'm sure she'll be hounded by the press and everyone else. Good. Normally, I'm against such tactics by the press and paparazzi. Not this time. Hound away. Besides, the press have the right of free speech. It's a rule. The nurse should be fine with it.

I keep thinking of Lorraine Bayliss, gasping for air, terrified, confused, looking for help. Did she see the nurse standing there? Did she hear the nurse say she wouldn't give CPR? Did she know the nurse's name? Did she call it out? Did she understand that she was going to die because no one cared enough to help? I hope not. I hope Lorraine saw a blinding light and kept walking until she reached the great beyond.

Maybe I shouldn't stress about it and follow that advice I keep hearing. After all, there's nothing I can do about what happened. No one can. 

If I have to choose one way or the other, right now I choose to stress. At least a little. For some reason it makes me feel a bit better. I suppose there are worse things. I could be a nurse who doesn't care enough about the things she can control. Yes, I think that would be much worse.

I am a bit curious. Will this nurse be checking the policy of her living establishment when she's 87? I wonder if she'd be quite so concerned with rules if she was lying on the floor gasping for breath while no one helped. Nah. I'm sure that place will have a nurse there. I'm sure she'd be fine. 

That's what nurses do, right? They help people. 

After all, what kind of nurse would just stand by and watch another human being die?

Annoying/Stupid Signs & Warnings

I assume I'm like a lot of people out there. I consider myself to be average in most respects. Average height, weight, income, etc, etc, etc. Granted, there aren't too many people with four daughters, but there are exceptions to everything. Like everyone else, I often get annoyed.

I probably tend to get in that state more often than the average Joe. I teach middle school for nine months a year and driver's ed the other three. Basically, I get paid to be annoyed on a regular basis. Honestly, I can handle middle school kids and teenage drivers being irritating because that's what they do. It's what I did. It's the law. What really bothers me is when adults and our society do it. Seriously, we should have outgrown this by now.

Recently, I've been noticing some very weird and stupid signs and warnings. They've always been there, of course. But, for some reason, lately they've burrowed into my consciousness more than normal. I'll give you the most annoying road sign as an example. "Slow Children Playing."

That sign is just insulting any way you look at it. It's calling out the lack of physical speed or mental capacity of an entire neighborhood of children. Either way, it's just mean.

I understand that road signs are not cheap and that they can't use too many words or characters because of cost. But, I can't see how a comma would put us in any deeper debt than we already are. Really, a comma after 'Slow' is all it would take. With all the bullying and harassment going on at school and online, our kids don't need a cheap shot from the Department of Transportation. If they can afford to have the figures using a crosswalk have bags or purses, or whatever the hell those things are, in a crosswalk sign, then they can foot the bill for a comma.

How about the question on the machine after using a credit or debit card to make a purchase? I've been asked, "Is this amount okay?" far too many times. Rarely is it okay, especially if I've dropped any amount of significant money at a place like Wal-Mart. Exposing myself to dozens of people in pajama pants and small children with iPods at 10:30 PM is not okay no matter what I've spent. "Is this amount accurate?" is a far more appropriate question. It's all in the wording and its importance can not be overstated.

Warning labels, however, are among the worst. Yes, there are important and helpful warning labels around. I can't think of any right now, but I'm sure they're out there. But, they are far outnumbered by obvious and unnecessary labels. The fact that these things are even printed and placed on various items to be sold is straight up pathetic. As we all know, any stupid and obvious warning label usually means someone actually did what the warning says not to do and then sued the company who made it to get some money.

Personally, I think if someone sues over the warnings written below and similarly ridiculous ones that I haven't mentioned, their name, photo, and contact information should be printed along with the warning. Something tells me there would be fewer lawsuits and thus less laughable warning labels.

Every plastic bag that holds any kind of product is printed with the label "Not a Toy". Obviously. Granted, kids will play with cardboard boxes. But, let's face it, boxes are cool. They're perfect for Hide and Seek and sitting in to watch television. You can push your siblings around the house or down the stairs and vice versa. You can draw on them and cut out shapes; the possibilities are endless. Last month, my parents had a dishwasher box in their living room that had a door and windows cut out for my daughters to play "house". But, a plastic bag? I think not.

Oh, and you shouldn't let an infant put a plastic bag over his/her face. Apparently, that could be dangerous and could even lead to suffocation. Good to know. I should clean up the myriad of plastic bags I have rolling around my house like tumbleweeds.

Those little packets of fresheners in various non-edible, household packages are not food. That's important to mention in case you thought your package from Home Depot might contain a snack, as well.

Be careful. Christmas lights may become wrapped around a child's neck if you're too busy playing Family Farm on Facebook to notice.

You should not put your foot under a lawn mower when it's in motion. I guess Nike and others haven't mastered a properly protective shoe for mowing lawns. Until then, resist temptation and heed the warning.

Blow dryers are not to be used around water. Apparently, it's not nearly as funny in real life as it is in the movies. Who knew?

Your coffee cup from McDonald's may contain a hot liquid. Shocking. I guess having a warm cup in your hand doesn't tip off some people that the liquid inside might be even hotter. Better safe than sorry.

Here's one last prime, true example of pure idiocy. There's a seven inch long warning label on my wife's hair curler. One warning says, and I'm not making this up, "Do NOT use on eyelashes". You mean I'm not supposed to put a two inch thick, foot long, red hot poker in my eye? That is good to know, because my eyelashes keep straightening out and puncturing my pillow. It's so annoying. I guess I'll have to come up with some other way of making sure they stay curly.

What numbskull really did this and then sued? It's cases like this that make me wish I was a judge. The barrage of demeaning and insulting remarks I would rain down on such a person (and her lawyer) would be therapeutic for all of us. Hell, I might even sue them both just for wasting my time and pissing me off, thus raising my blood pressure to a dangerous level. Obviously, they would have to pay for such a life threatening act, especially without warning me first that anger can lead to a rapid increase of my pulse rate.

I know there are literally thousands of other similar warnings out there. It does make me wonder if reading warnings like this helped Johnny Knoxville from the Jackass television show and movies get his ideas. At least his show was appropriately named. Perhaps, that should be printed on all such warnings. Jackass Warning(s).

I suppose there are worse things than being annoyed by stupid signs and warnings. I could be one of the reasons those warnings exist. Of course, I'd be rich from the pathetic, yet lucrative, lawsuit. Hmmmm. Rich and stupid or annoyed and average? Seeing as I'm currently raising children, I should be responsible and stick with choice number two, I guess.

Otherwise, that "Slow Children Playing" street sign wouldn't be so mean. It'd be accurate.

Arming Teachers

Well, that didn't take long, did it? Appropriately, our collective hearts were broken and bleeding after the Newtown school massacre. People are still reeling, as am I. So many innocent, young children killed by a coward. Teachers, a school psychologist, and a principal also murdered. Heavy, brutal, disturbing stuff. Exactly the kind of event that spurs discussion and debate about possible changes to our system. As seems to be the American M.O., the two main ideas of change are as far apart as can be.

Many people are screaming for gun control, stricter laws forbidding automatic weapons and ammunition like the pathetic Sandy Hook shooter used. Many people and the NRA are screaming for more police presence and guns in schools, including arming and training teachers. Since I am a teacher, I thought I'd chime in.

There is no way in hell I will ever bring a loaded gun to school. Ever.

There are three main reasons for my declaration. One, the temptation to misuse a handgun would be difficult to handle. I currently have two seventh graders who are earning, I kid you not, a 2% for their grades in my English class. It's actually quite difficult to pull off such a low score. Someone has to work at not working to earn such a ridiculously low grade. But, these two boys do. Their parents are well aware of this and don't care. At least, they don't care enough to actually do something about it.

I can't do anything about it either. In my district, middle school students are not held back. Ever. Which means, if a seventh grade student of mine chooses to fail every single class, we still pass him on to the eighth grade. Apparently, it can be quite damaging to a student socially if he repeats a grade in middle school. Personally, I think it could help. How many kids can legally drive as a freshman? How many eighth graders? An eighth grader with a license and a goatee could have more dates than Bieber, but I digress.

If I had a loaded handgun, I could get these kids to at least pull off a C. I imagine a scenario something like this...

"Billy, wake up. Why aren't you working on your assignment?"

"I don't feel like it."

"Billy, I swear to you, if you do not get your work done, and done well, in the next fifteen minutes, I will shoot you in the leg. I have a Glock, right here. I've been trained by the NRA. You've done nothing for the past three months. I want a completed assignment out of you and I want it now. I don't even care what it is, just a completed assignment. From you. Today. Otherwise, you will be limping for the next six weeks. This is not Halo 4, Billy; it will hurt. A lot. Do you understand?"

I don't expect I'd get outstanding quality from such intimidation, but I'm guessing I'd get some decent, solid work that I haven't been getting otherwise. It would come at a price. But, I assume the NRA would pay for any legal issues that might come my way. Maybe even my therapy.

It might seem that I'm being too lighthearted or disrespectful with such a scenario, but honestly, it's not meant that way. I didn't become a teacher for the money. Nobody does. Most teachers go above and beyond for their students and we do so quietly. We spend more time, energy, and money on our students than most people realize. That being said, it is beyond aggravating when a student chooses intentionally to not even try on a daily basis. It's even worse when the parent(s) doesn't care or has given up. My scenario with "Billy" might seem like a stretch, but trust me, it's not nearly as fanciful as it should be.

A second reason for my refusal to ever bring a gun to school is an obvious one, safety. Keeping loaded guns on a typical school campus is just asking for trouble. There are no secrets in school. Ask anyone who's been bullied or harassed. Any secret, no matter how safe it may appear to be, will not stay that way. Kids talk. Constantly. Teachers talk even more than our students. Parents talk and complain and text more than their kids. It doesn't matter if the location(s) of a loaded gun on school grounds is supposed to be confidential. It will not stay that way. I guarantee it.

If people know where the guns are, that means we will have accidental shootings and deaths across our country's schools. Kids do stupid things. Sad, but true. Far too many kids would die from guns at school that would be meant to protect them. From other guns.

Then there's the threat from exterior dangers. My school, for example, has been broken into more times than I care to count. All fourteen of my school's portables were broken into during one night a few years back. If someone wants to steal a gun, it would not be hard to steal one from the local grade/middle/high school. When schools can't afford teachers, or textbooks, or paper, security is not exactly high tech, if it's even there at all.

I teach in a portable. It was constructed from plywood, paint, and nails that bend when they get wet. The thing was built well over twenty years ago. There are literally holes in the bottom of my outer walls. I probably have Disney animal families living beneath my classroom floor. There could be whole communities of mice and raccoons living there in apartment buildings and condos right now. If I shot a bullet through my floor I'd have PETA suing my ass by sixth period. Again, not the best security for keeping a gun safe.

Then there's reason number three. It's simple. I don't want to teach in that kind of environment. A very good friend of mine "shared" a picture on Facebook recently. It showed a teacher in the Middle East with an M-16 hanging from her shoulder as she led her kids into her classroom. The point being that a pathetic coward with a gun would most likely not be trying to shoot her kids if he knew she'd be returning fire. True enough.

But, there's a reason why I don't teach in Israel. I'm sure the kids there are very nice and polite. It's much warmer there. It's even a dry heat. I'd probably get to drive a Hummer. But, I don't want to teach with an assault rifle within arm's reach. If I did, I'd live there. Or Texas.

Teaching is hard enough the way it is now. I'm not going to add gun training on top of it. Where would it stop? Obviously, I'd need to read up on hollow-point wound care, as well. I would need a good supply of gauze pads, tourniquets, and a backboard hanging from the wall behind my desk, wouldn't I?

What if, God forbid, a gunman came into my school and I grabbed my weapon and went after him? What if I shot? What if I missed? What if I killed a student? Or a fellow teacher? What if I just hit the wall behind him and he kept shooting while I kept missing? Just because someone is trained to use a gun doesn't mean that person will be able to use it properly or effectively in a crisis. Soldiers and cops have frozen on the job in similar spots. Who's to say I wouldn't too? Who's to say the cops wouldn't shoot me thinking I'm the shooter? Who's to say I wouldn't be sued or prosecuted for wounding/killing a student, even the shooter?

What if I do take him out and become a national hero? Does that mean I'd feel great about it? Killing is hard. Not everyone can handle it, even when it's justified. That's why we don't all carry guns. That's why some of us choose careers where using guns is not part of the job description.

I realize the chances of legally arming teachers are slim. But, so are the odds of a coward showing up to a grade school with automatic weapons and plowing through kids and staff.

Teachers in Utah were provided free gun training by a gun lobby this past December. Over two hundred teachers showed up. Lovely. Gun training is provided for free. How about some free technology or supplies or something that would help students, I don't know, learn? Of course not.

Then again, there are far more than two hundred teachers in Utah. Maybe they had other things to do instead of learning to shoot at someone accurately. Maybe they were grading papers, writing lessons, or spending time with their families. Or just maybe, some of them were working on finding non-violent ways to fight violence.

Why would the media, and anyone else, be interested in that?

While that question remains unanswered, I think I'll continue to teach, unarmed, in my Disney-infested portable. I'll continue to work with my two, uh, underachievers, along with the rest of my students. And I'll keep praying that, for once, the innocent victims of a shooting haven't died in vain. That maybe, somehow, our leaders will find a way to improve the safety and learning at our nation's schools.

I know what you're thinking. But, being a teacher means being patient. Besides, I can't retire for another thirty years or so anyway. I've got time. Let's hope we all do.