The Golden Rule: Treat others as you want to be treated
Seems like a good idea, common sense, even. It's a simple rule of human interaction dating back century upon century. It's a basic principle that works in every culture and religion. So, what's the problem? Obviously, we are.
Sometimes I wonder...will God ever forgive us for what we've done to each other?
I was watching the movie Blood Diamond recently. It's an excellent and disturbing film. It's hard to watch in many places, even more so knowing it's based on true events. Leonardo DiCaprio's mercenary character is talking to Jennifer Connelly's journalist about some of the tragedies he's seen in Africa. I suppose some people might brush that off as being a third world issue. I think we all know better than that. Just watching the news, or looking online, can easily prove that train of thought wrong.
Case in point, a seventeen-year-old girl named Rehtaeh Parsons killed herself in Nova Scotia awhile back. Nearly two years ago, she was allegedly gang raped by four boys.
You've heard it before. A teen party, no adults present, of course. Too much alcohol. Teenage boys take advantage of the situation.
That alone is more than any human, let alone a teenager, should have to bear. But, there's more. The rape itself wasn't enough. Over the next year and a half, she was harassed online and at school. Constantly.
During the attack, a photo was taken, uploaded, and went viral. As usual, the victim received the abuse. She's a slut. She asked for it. It's her fault. Girls making fun of her, boys asking her out and harassing her. She finally had enough and tried to hang herself. She was taken off life support a few days later.
Now the Canadian authorities are moving on the case they once ignored and closed. Suddenly, new evidence has come to light. I'm sure her mom, who found her and had to cut her down, is relieved at the authorities' prompt response to her daughter's case.
My heart breaks for Rehtaeh. I'm not even sure how to pronounce her name. Yet, my chest is heavy and rage is bubbling just beneath the surface. It would be bad enough if this happened to one girl. But, it's never just one girl.
Many of us know about the recent case in Steubenville, Ohio, involving over-privileged high school football players. To no one's surprise, alcohol was involved, so was a witness using a smartphone to film the act. Again, no responsible adults. Again, the victim was on the receiving end of a non-stop Twitter barrage that blamed her. Even once the boys were convicted, it's still the victim's fault. She's still being bombarded on social media for ruining the boys' lives. It seems few are concerned with the victim's life.
A girl in California named Audrie Pott, 15, committed suicide for the same thing. Alcohol. Raped by three boys. Photo taken. Uploaded, going viral. Harassment. Three teen boys have been arrested. According to their lawyer, people should reserve judgment and his clients should be considered innocent. Hmmm. That's an excellent idea. But, it's too late to reserve judgment on Audrie, isn't it? Or Rehtaeh. Or the victim in Steubenville. Or all the others in the past, present, and future. We all know there are more out there.
What happened to treating each other like we want to be treated? We've all made mistakes, some much bigger and more tragic than others. Many, many, many of them involve alcohol. I'm asking those pathetic "friends" and classmates of these victims, how would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot?
Teens rarely do anything alone, especially drink. What happened to Audrie, Rehtaeh, and all the others could've happened to their friends, right? Are these friends really that much smarter, or better, or different than the victims? Whatever happened to people actually supporting a friend who's going through a tough time? Isn't that the whole point of having a friend? Being there for the fun stuff is easy. Anyone can do that. It's the rough times when friends are actually needed.
I haven't seen any of these photos or videos that were taken and uploaded in each case. But, they all sound the same. They all seem to involve an unconscious or semi-conscious girl. There's vomit nearby. She has no idea what is happening to her. And yet, the blame is placed on her. Every. Fucking. Time.
Is the victim partially to blame for being there and putting herself in a potentially dangerous situation? Yes. Who hasn't done something similar? Any time anyone drinks publicly, there's a risk. Any time you get behind the wheel of car, or even the passenger or back seat, you're putting yourself in danger.
I've always considered rape to be the most heinous crime of all. Now, I'm not so sure. As repulsive and damaging as the act is, the response of people after the victim comes forward seems to be worse. At least to me. I can't imagine going through both. Whatever mistakes a person has made, no one deserves that.
Those thoughts alone have forced me to reconsider a truth of fatherhood I never thought possible.
My wife knows that if any of our girls are harmed in such a way, I will go to jail. There's never been any hesitation about what I would do. I don't own a gun. But, I know plenty who do. I might even borrow my cousin's bow. I will kill anyone who harms any of my girls. And I'll do it slowly. There's never been any doubt. Rape committed against my daughter. Rapist dead. Slowly. Simple. I've long accepted that as gospel.
Only it's not so simple anymore. I'd have to wait to see who would be blamed for the crime. I might have to delay killing those responsible for the attack to find out if my victimized and broken daughter will be betrayed by her friends and harassed by everyone else. I never considered my daughter might be bullied and blamed for being attacked, that her friends might turn on her. It's hard enough to even visualize the act itself.
It does make me wonder about my teen years. If something had happened like that in my hometown, and we had Facebook, Twitter, and texting, would we blame the victim? Would the girl be blamed and the boys championed? Of course, we had a crappy football team, so maybe not.
The second half of DiCaprio's Blood Diamond quote keeps popping back up to the surface no matter how much I try to push it down...
Then I look around and I realize...God left this place a long time ago.
Personally, I don't believe that to be true. But, it does make me wonder, has His work left? Think about it. Who's responsible for spreading God's will and work? We are. But, if we're too busy harassing rape victims and defending the actual rapists, I can't see things getting any better. Which only leaves one possible direction.
The more I think about this, the more depressed I become. In order for the Golden Rule to work, before we can truly treat others how we want to be treated, one basic event has to happen. We actually have to care about others. Because if we don't care, why would God stick around? Even more upsetting, would we even be able to tell the difference?
Now the Canadian authorities are moving on the case they once ignored and closed. Suddenly, new evidence has come to light. I'm sure her mom, who found her and had to cut her down, is relieved at the authorities' prompt response to her daughter's case.
My heart breaks for Rehtaeh. I'm not even sure how to pronounce her name. Yet, my chest is heavy and rage is bubbling just beneath the surface. It would be bad enough if this happened to one girl. But, it's never just one girl.
Many of us know about the recent case in Steubenville, Ohio, involving over-privileged high school football players. To no one's surprise, alcohol was involved, so was a witness using a smartphone to film the act. Again, no responsible adults. Again, the victim was on the receiving end of a non-stop Twitter barrage that blamed her. Even once the boys were convicted, it's still the victim's fault. She's still being bombarded on social media for ruining the boys' lives. It seems few are concerned with the victim's life.
A girl in California named Audrie Pott, 15, committed suicide for the same thing. Alcohol. Raped by three boys. Photo taken. Uploaded, going viral. Harassment. Three teen boys have been arrested. According to their lawyer, people should reserve judgment and his clients should be considered innocent. Hmmm. That's an excellent idea. But, it's too late to reserve judgment on Audrie, isn't it? Or Rehtaeh. Or the victim in Steubenville. Or all the others in the past, present, and future. We all know there are more out there.
What happened to treating each other like we want to be treated? We've all made mistakes, some much bigger and more tragic than others. Many, many, many of them involve alcohol. I'm asking those pathetic "friends" and classmates of these victims, how would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot?
Teens rarely do anything alone, especially drink. What happened to Audrie, Rehtaeh, and all the others could've happened to their friends, right? Are these friends really that much smarter, or better, or different than the victims? Whatever happened to people actually supporting a friend who's going through a tough time? Isn't that the whole point of having a friend? Being there for the fun stuff is easy. Anyone can do that. It's the rough times when friends are actually needed.
I haven't seen any of these photos or videos that were taken and uploaded in each case. But, they all sound the same. They all seem to involve an unconscious or semi-conscious girl. There's vomit nearby. She has no idea what is happening to her. And yet, the blame is placed on her. Every. Fucking. Time.
Is the victim partially to blame for being there and putting herself in a potentially dangerous situation? Yes. Who hasn't done something similar? Any time anyone drinks publicly, there's a risk. Any time you get behind the wheel of car, or even the passenger or back seat, you're putting yourself in danger.
I've always considered rape to be the most heinous crime of all. Now, I'm not so sure. As repulsive and damaging as the act is, the response of people after the victim comes forward seems to be worse. At least to me. I can't imagine going through both. Whatever mistakes a person has made, no one deserves that.
Those thoughts alone have forced me to reconsider a truth of fatherhood I never thought possible.
My wife knows that if any of our girls are harmed in such a way, I will go to jail. There's never been any hesitation about what I would do. I don't own a gun. But, I know plenty who do. I might even borrow my cousin's bow. I will kill anyone who harms any of my girls. And I'll do it slowly. There's never been any doubt. Rape committed against my daughter. Rapist dead. Slowly. Simple. I've long accepted that as gospel.
Only it's not so simple anymore. I'd have to wait to see who would be blamed for the crime. I might have to delay killing those responsible for the attack to find out if my victimized and broken daughter will be betrayed by her friends and harassed by everyone else. I never considered my daughter might be bullied and blamed for being attacked, that her friends might turn on her. It's hard enough to even visualize the act itself.
It does make me wonder about my teen years. If something had happened like that in my hometown, and we had Facebook, Twitter, and texting, would we blame the victim? Would the girl be blamed and the boys championed? Of course, we had a crappy football team, so maybe not.
The second half of DiCaprio's Blood Diamond quote keeps popping back up to the surface no matter how much I try to push it down...
Then I look around and I realize...God left this place a long time ago.
Personally, I don't believe that to be true. But, it does make me wonder, has His work left? Think about it. Who's responsible for spreading God's will and work? We are. But, if we're too busy harassing rape victims and defending the actual rapists, I can't see things getting any better. Which only leaves one possible direction.
The more I think about this, the more depressed I become. In order for the Golden Rule to work, before we can truly treat others how we want to be treated, one basic event has to happen. We actually have to care about others. Because if we don't care, why would God stick around? Even more upsetting, would we even be able to tell the difference?
