Going Viral for the Wrong Reason

It seems nearly every week, I hear about some new video that's "gone viral" on YouTube. Normally, I try to avoid them. Honestly, many of them seem ridiculous, annoying, and involve people doing something stupid. I get enough of that on a daily basis teaching middle school. I don't need to spend extra time in front of my computer watching more. But, I saw one yesterday. I wish I hadn't. It was a day ago and I'm still pissed.

Some twelve-year-old punk in Las Vegas saw a police motorcycle parked on a sidewalk outside a mini-mart. He waited for the cop to come out with his soda and then walked up to him while filming. He asked the policeman why he was parked on the sidewalk. Then he asked for the cop's badge number. Not surprisingly, the policeman wants to know why. 

"Because I have the right to."

And the cop has the right not to give it to a twelve-year-old punk who's filming him. What police officer in his/her right mind would give a badge number to anyone while they're being recorded on a public street? Would you give your phone number and address to someone under the same circumstances?

What bothers me the most about this is that most people commenting on YouTube are praising the kid. Apparently, he has "guts" and "bravery". Uh, no. The cop has guts and bravery. He's a policeman in Las Vegas. I can't imagine the kind of crap this man sees on and off duty in that town on a daily basis. In my opinion, he can park wherever the hell he wants. He can park on Wayne Newton's hair piece for all I care. 

The cop is being called arrogant and disrespectful because he parked on a sidewalk for the amount of time it took him to buy a soda. Really? Maybe the cop parked on the sidewalk to avoid taking up a legitimate parking spot. How many times have we fell for the mirage of an empty parking spot only to see it's taken up by some damn motorcycle. Personally, I'd prefer it if more motorcycles parked on sidewalks. More parking spots for the rest of us. Even if he did park on the sidewalk to save time, I don't care. He didn't set up a speed trap or a drug buy or sting operation while parked there. He bought a soda. Stop the presses.

The boy is also being praised for being polite. Please. Was the kid swearing or yelling? No. That doesn't mean he isn't a punk. I'm guessing he sees the bike parked there and thinks he can make a cop look foolish on video. Apparently, he was right. Which is just pathetic. I'm all for catching a cop for breaking the law. Film a bunch of cops beating an unarmed suspect. Damn straight. Record a policeman receiving a bribe. Absolutely. Film a cop stealing drugs or weapons. Well done. Film a cop soliciting a prostitute. Fine. But, this nowhere near that. This is sad.

Why do cops wear guns and tasers and mace and bulletproof vests? Because they could be gunned down eating lunch in a diner in Tacoma, Washington like four officers were a few years back. They can be killed on a routine traffic stop that seems to happen every freaking month. They can be killed trying to help during a domestic call. They can be killed trying to stop a robbery like my great grandfather in Seattle. They show up for work and can be attacked and killed a hundred different ways. They know this and they still do it. For us. But, we applaud some punk who films a cop getting a Pepsi and returning to his illegally parked bike? This is what we care about? Seriously?

Something tells me if this man served and protected you in a time of need, you wouldn't give a damn where he parked. Why can't that go viral?

Since this kid is so concerned with the law, I'm sure he won't mind being ticketed every time he jaywalks. Or is out after curfew. Or disposes of used batteries improperly. I'm sure he won't mind if his parents are ticketed for speeding. Every day. After all, the police have that right. Don't they, kid?

Whatever does happen, he brought it on himself. He broke the cardinal rule of his own town. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. 

At least it should have. 

Watching Someone Die

I've been told several times lately that I need to work on something. Apparently, I need to stress less about things I can't control. Sound advice, to be sure. But, it's easier said than done. Especially when it involves life and (avoidable) death. 

I read an article this week and then immediately had to read it a second time. It wasn't because of the skill level of the writer or because I couldn't concentrate. No, it was the content. I simply found it unbelievable. Maybe some small part of me hoped that I missed something, or perhaps just reading it again meant the events, somehow, would change. Of course, that didn't happen. 

An 87-year-old woman in California named Lorraine Bayliss is dead because a registered nurse refused to give her CPR. 

One might assume that the nurse refused to help this woman because she had AIDS or some other communicable disease and she was afraid for her own health. Or maybe Lorraine Bayliss was in a burning car or some other dangerous situation and the nurse couldn't get to her in time. Nope. 

Lorraine Bayliss lived at an independent senior living complex called Glenwood Gardens. She collapsed. 911 was called. The dispatcher pleaded with the nurse to give the woman CPR. She refused. Apparently, this Glenwood Gardens actually has a policy that states in the case of an emergency the medics are to be called and no life saving services are to be given. 

I'm assuming this policy is in place because of our American society is hellbent on suing everyone for everything. Perhaps the owners are trying to avoid a lawsuit. I get it. But, it's still wrong. Avoiding a lawsuit makes good business sense. It also makes you as compassionate as a cobra. 

The nurse in question was defended by the executive director of the establishment. He confirmed their policy, but said an investigation would be conducted. Well, I feel better. I'm sure the woman's family is relieved, as well. 

I've read excerpts from the 911 transcript and they're horrifying. 

"...is there anybody that's willing to help this lady and not let her die"?

"Not at this time."

Are you kidding me? The dispatcher gets desperate. She asks if there's a gardner, someone walking by, anyone who would perform CPR on this helpless, dying woman. Nope. 

Why does this place even employ a nurse? What's the point? It's like hiring a lifeguard and then having a rule forbidding employees to get wet. Why did this woman even take the job? What kind of nurse, no matter what any rules say, stands there, and watches another human being die? 

I really hope this nurse obeys every other rule and law with such fervor. I hope she doesn't speed. She better come to a complete stop at every light and stop sign. This woman's mattresses better have that "Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law" tag. Every damn mattress better have that tag. If not, I hope Inspector 12 throws the book at her. Maybe the Hippocratic Oath, as well.

I read earlier this year that a nurse was fired because she refused to get a flu shot. According to a press release, she was endangering the health of her patients by not getting one. You can't sneeze on a patient, but apparently you can watch one die. Good to know.

Of course, the politicians in California are calling for a review of the laws that allow such a thing to happen. This event has been labeled "a wake up call". You think? As seems to be an American custom, someone has to die tragically and publicly for something that should have been changed years ago to change now. 

I'm assuming this nurse's name will soon be leaked. I'm sure she'll be hounded by the press and everyone else. Good. Normally, I'm against such tactics by the press and paparazzi. Not this time. Hound away. Besides, the press have the right of free speech. It's a rule. The nurse should be fine with it.

I keep thinking of Lorraine Bayliss, gasping for air, terrified, confused, looking for help. Did she see the nurse standing there? Did she hear the nurse say she wouldn't give CPR? Did she know the nurse's name? Did she call it out? Did she understand that she was going to die because no one cared enough to help? I hope not. I hope Lorraine saw a blinding light and kept walking until she reached the great beyond.

Maybe I shouldn't stress about it and follow that advice I keep hearing. After all, there's nothing I can do about what happened. No one can. 

If I have to choose one way or the other, right now I choose to stress. At least a little. For some reason it makes me feel a bit better. I suppose there are worse things. I could be a nurse who doesn't care enough about the things she can control. Yes, I think that would be much worse.

I am a bit curious. Will this nurse be checking the policy of her living establishment when she's 87? I wonder if she'd be quite so concerned with rules if she was lying on the floor gasping for breath while no one helped. Nah. I'm sure that place will have a nurse there. I'm sure she'd be fine. 

That's what nurses do, right? They help people. 

After all, what kind of nurse would just stand by and watch another human being die?

Annoying/Stupid Signs & Warnings

I assume I'm like a lot of people out there. I consider myself to be average in most respects. Average height, weight, income, etc, etc, etc. Granted, there aren't too many people with four daughters, but there are exceptions to everything. Like everyone else, I often get annoyed.

I probably tend to get in that state more often than the average Joe. I teach middle school for nine months a year and driver's ed the other three. Basically, I get paid to be annoyed on a regular basis. Honestly, I can handle middle school kids and teenage drivers being irritating because that's what they do. It's what I did. It's the law. What really bothers me is when adults and our society do it. Seriously, we should have outgrown this by now.

Recently, I've been noticing some very weird and stupid signs and warnings. They've always been there, of course. But, for some reason, lately they've burrowed into my consciousness more than normal. I'll give you the most annoying road sign as an example. "Slow Children Playing."

That sign is just insulting any way you look at it. It's calling out the lack of physical speed or mental capacity of an entire neighborhood of children. Either way, it's just mean.

I understand that road signs are not cheap and that they can't use too many words or characters because of cost. But, I can't see how a comma would put us in any deeper debt than we already are. Really, a comma after 'Slow' is all it would take. With all the bullying and harassment going on at school and online, our kids don't need a cheap shot from the Department of Transportation. If they can afford to have the figures using a crosswalk have bags or purses, or whatever the hell those things are, in a crosswalk sign, then they can foot the bill for a comma.

How about the question on the machine after using a credit or debit card to make a purchase? I've been asked, "Is this amount okay?" far too many times. Rarely is it okay, especially if I've dropped any amount of significant money at a place like Wal-Mart. Exposing myself to dozens of people in pajama pants and small children with iPods at 10:30 PM is not okay no matter what I've spent. "Is this amount accurate?" is a far more appropriate question. It's all in the wording and its importance can not be overstated.

Warning labels, however, are among the worst. Yes, there are important and helpful warning labels around. I can't think of any right now, but I'm sure they're out there. But, they are far outnumbered by obvious and unnecessary labels. The fact that these things are even printed and placed on various items to be sold is straight up pathetic. As we all know, any stupid and obvious warning label usually means someone actually did what the warning says not to do and then sued the company who made it to get some money.

Personally, I think if someone sues over the warnings written below and similarly ridiculous ones that I haven't mentioned, their name, photo, and contact information should be printed along with the warning. Something tells me there would be fewer lawsuits and thus less laughable warning labels.

Every plastic bag that holds any kind of product is printed with the label "Not a Toy". Obviously. Granted, kids will play with cardboard boxes. But, let's face it, boxes are cool. They're perfect for Hide and Seek and sitting in to watch television. You can push your siblings around the house or down the stairs and vice versa. You can draw on them and cut out shapes; the possibilities are endless. Last month, my parents had a dishwasher box in their living room that had a door and windows cut out for my daughters to play "house". But, a plastic bag? I think not.

Oh, and you shouldn't let an infant put a plastic bag over his/her face. Apparently, that could be dangerous and could even lead to suffocation. Good to know. I should clean up the myriad of plastic bags I have rolling around my house like tumbleweeds.

Those little packets of fresheners in various non-edible, household packages are not food. That's important to mention in case you thought your package from Home Depot might contain a snack, as well.

Be careful. Christmas lights may become wrapped around a child's neck if you're too busy playing Family Farm on Facebook to notice.

You should not put your foot under a lawn mower when it's in motion. I guess Nike and others haven't mastered a properly protective shoe for mowing lawns. Until then, resist temptation and heed the warning.

Blow dryers are not to be used around water. Apparently, it's not nearly as funny in real life as it is in the movies. Who knew?

Your coffee cup from McDonald's may contain a hot liquid. Shocking. I guess having a warm cup in your hand doesn't tip off some people that the liquid inside might be even hotter. Better safe than sorry.

Here's one last prime, true example of pure idiocy. There's a seven inch long warning label on my wife's hair curler. One warning says, and I'm not making this up, "Do NOT use on eyelashes". You mean I'm not supposed to put a two inch thick, foot long, red hot poker in my eye? That is good to know, because my eyelashes keep straightening out and puncturing my pillow. It's so annoying. I guess I'll have to come up with some other way of making sure they stay curly.

What numbskull really did this and then sued? It's cases like this that make me wish I was a judge. The barrage of demeaning and insulting remarks I would rain down on such a person (and her lawyer) would be therapeutic for all of us. Hell, I might even sue them both just for wasting my time and pissing me off, thus raising my blood pressure to a dangerous level. Obviously, they would have to pay for such a life threatening act, especially without warning me first that anger can lead to a rapid increase of my pulse rate.

I know there are literally thousands of other similar warnings out there. It does make me wonder if reading warnings like this helped Johnny Knoxville from the Jackass television show and movies get his ideas. At least his show was appropriately named. Perhaps, that should be printed on all such warnings. Jackass Warning(s).

I suppose there are worse things than being annoyed by stupid signs and warnings. I could be one of the reasons those warnings exist. Of course, I'd be rich from the pathetic, yet lucrative, lawsuit. Hmmmm. Rich and stupid or annoyed and average? Seeing as I'm currently raising children, I should be responsible and stick with choice number two, I guess.

Otherwise, that "Slow Children Playing" street sign wouldn't be so mean. It'd be accurate.

Arming Teachers

Well, that didn't take long, did it? Appropriately, our collective hearts were broken and bleeding after the Newtown school massacre. People are still reeling, as am I. So many innocent, young children killed by a coward. Teachers, a school psychologist, and a principal also murdered. Heavy, brutal, disturbing stuff. Exactly the kind of event that spurs discussion and debate about possible changes to our system. As seems to be the American M.O., the two main ideas of change are as far apart as can be.

Many people are screaming for gun control, stricter laws forbidding automatic weapons and ammunition like the pathetic Sandy Hook shooter used. Many people and the NRA are screaming for more police presence and guns in schools, including arming and training teachers. Since I am a teacher, I thought I'd chime in.

There is no way in hell I will ever bring a loaded gun to school. Ever.

There are three main reasons for my declaration. One, the temptation to misuse a handgun would be difficult to handle. I currently have two seventh graders who are earning, I kid you not, a 2% for their grades in my English class. It's actually quite difficult to pull off such a low score. Someone has to work at not working to earn such a ridiculously low grade. But, these two boys do. Their parents are well aware of this and don't care. At least, they don't care enough to actually do something about it.

I can't do anything about it either. In my district, middle school students are not held back. Ever. Which means, if a seventh grade student of mine chooses to fail every single class, we still pass him on to the eighth grade. Apparently, it can be quite damaging to a student socially if he repeats a grade in middle school. Personally, I think it could help. How many kids can legally drive as a freshman? How many eighth graders? An eighth grader with a license and a goatee could have more dates than Bieber, but I digress.

If I had a loaded handgun, I could get these kids to at least pull off a C. I imagine a scenario something like this...

"Billy, wake up. Why aren't you working on your assignment?"

"I don't feel like it."

"Billy, I swear to you, if you do not get your work done, and done well, in the next fifteen minutes, I will shoot you in the leg. I have a Glock, right here. I've been trained by the NRA. You've done nothing for the past three months. I want a completed assignment out of you and I want it now. I don't even care what it is, just a completed assignment. From you. Today. Otherwise, you will be limping for the next six weeks. This is not Halo 4, Billy; it will hurt. A lot. Do you understand?"

I don't expect I'd get outstanding quality from such intimidation, but I'm guessing I'd get some decent, solid work that I haven't been getting otherwise. It would come at a price. But, I assume the NRA would pay for any legal issues that might come my way. Maybe even my therapy.

It might seem that I'm being too lighthearted or disrespectful with such a scenario, but honestly, it's not meant that way. I didn't become a teacher for the money. Nobody does. Most teachers go above and beyond for their students and we do so quietly. We spend more time, energy, and money on our students than most people realize. That being said, it is beyond aggravating when a student chooses intentionally to not even try on a daily basis. It's even worse when the parent(s) doesn't care or has given up. My scenario with "Billy" might seem like a stretch, but trust me, it's not nearly as fanciful as it should be.

A second reason for my refusal to ever bring a gun to school is an obvious one, safety. Keeping loaded guns on a typical school campus is just asking for trouble. There are no secrets in school. Ask anyone who's been bullied or harassed. Any secret, no matter how safe it may appear to be, will not stay that way. Kids talk. Constantly. Teachers talk even more than our students. Parents talk and complain and text more than their kids. It doesn't matter if the location(s) of a loaded gun on school grounds is supposed to be confidential. It will not stay that way. I guarantee it.

If people know where the guns are, that means we will have accidental shootings and deaths across our country's schools. Kids do stupid things. Sad, but true. Far too many kids would die from guns at school that would be meant to protect them. From other guns.

Then there's the threat from exterior dangers. My school, for example, has been broken into more times than I care to count. All fourteen of my school's portables were broken into during one night a few years back. If someone wants to steal a gun, it would not be hard to steal one from the local grade/middle/high school. When schools can't afford teachers, or textbooks, or paper, security is not exactly high tech, if it's even there at all.

I teach in a portable. It was constructed from plywood, paint, and nails that bend when they get wet. The thing was built well over twenty years ago. There are literally holes in the bottom of my outer walls. I probably have Disney animal families living beneath my classroom floor. There could be whole communities of mice and raccoons living there in apartment buildings and condos right now. If I shot a bullet through my floor I'd have PETA suing my ass by sixth period. Again, not the best security for keeping a gun safe.

Then there's reason number three. It's simple. I don't want to teach in that kind of environment. A very good friend of mine "shared" a picture on Facebook recently. It showed a teacher in the Middle East with an M-16 hanging from her shoulder as she led her kids into her classroom. The point being that a pathetic coward with a gun would most likely not be trying to shoot her kids if he knew she'd be returning fire. True enough.

But, there's a reason why I don't teach in Israel. I'm sure the kids there are very nice and polite. It's much warmer there. It's even a dry heat. I'd probably get to drive a Hummer. But, I don't want to teach with an assault rifle within arm's reach. If I did, I'd live there. Or Texas.

Teaching is hard enough the way it is now. I'm not going to add gun training on top of it. Where would it stop? Obviously, I'd need to read up on hollow-point wound care, as well. I would need a good supply of gauze pads, tourniquets, and a backboard hanging from the wall behind my desk, wouldn't I?

What if, God forbid, a gunman came into my school and I grabbed my weapon and went after him? What if I shot? What if I missed? What if I killed a student? Or a fellow teacher? What if I just hit the wall behind him and he kept shooting while I kept missing? Just because someone is trained to use a gun doesn't mean that person will be able to use it properly or effectively in a crisis. Soldiers and cops have frozen on the job in similar spots. Who's to say I wouldn't too? Who's to say the cops wouldn't shoot me thinking I'm the shooter? Who's to say I wouldn't be sued or prosecuted for wounding/killing a student, even the shooter?

What if I do take him out and become a national hero? Does that mean I'd feel great about it? Killing is hard. Not everyone can handle it, even when it's justified. That's why we don't all carry guns. That's why some of us choose careers where using guns is not part of the job description.

I realize the chances of legally arming teachers are slim. But, so are the odds of a coward showing up to a grade school with automatic weapons and plowing through kids and staff.

Teachers in Utah were provided free gun training by a gun lobby this past December. Over two hundred teachers showed up. Lovely. Gun training is provided for free. How about some free technology or supplies or something that would help students, I don't know, learn? Of course not.

Then again, there are far more than two hundred teachers in Utah. Maybe they had other things to do instead of learning to shoot at someone accurately. Maybe they were grading papers, writing lessons, or spending time with their families. Or just maybe, some of them were working on finding non-violent ways to fight violence.

Why would the media, and anyone else, be interested in that?

While that question remains unanswered, I think I'll continue to teach, unarmed, in my Disney-infested portable. I'll continue to work with my two, uh, underachievers, along with the rest of my students. And I'll keep praying that, for once, the innocent victims of a shooting haven't died in vain. That maybe, somehow, our leaders will find a way to improve the safety and learning at our nation's schools.

I know what you're thinking. But, being a teacher means being patient. Besides, I can't retire for another thirty years or so anyway. I've got time. Let's hope we all do.

Connecticut and Oregon

I did two things in my classroom this afternoon that no teacher should ever do. I yelled the "F-word" at the top of my lungs and held it until my I strained my throat. Then, I wept. Fortunately, I found out about the school shooting in Connecticut after my students had already left. Honestly, I don't know if I would've done anything differently if they had still been there.

A thought kept coming to the surface again and again no matter how hard I tried to push it away. 

Here we go again. 

Can any of us truly say we're surprised? Obviously, this was worse than most of us thought it would be. No one expects so many young children to be killed by yet another coward. Or a school principal with five daughters. Or a school psychologist. I doubt we expected to see our president wipe away tears at a press conference. Maybe we should have. 

I can't help thinking we were duped by what happened in Oregon in the same freaking week. How many of us thought something along the lines of, "Thank God only two were killed"? As tragic and disrespectful as that is those killed and their families, seeing how the shooting occurred at a crowded mall, it is shocking more weren't killed. But, nearly thirty more have been. It doesn't really matter that it happened on the opposite coast. Children are children, no matter where they are.

Again, we have masked, heavily armed, pathetic men, shooting random, unarmed adults and children who were in a supposedly safe place, and then taking their own lives. How many more have to die before we actually try something? Anything. I really don't care what it is, but anything is better than nothing. Right?

Isn't that how we normally solve a problem that just seems to get worse? We can debate gun control and the right to bear arms and the lack of widespread availability of mental health services over and over and over. But, don't we eventually have to do something? Otherwise, we're going to keep running through quicksand. Someday soon, we won't be able to run anymore. We're going to be in over our heads. 

We all know that dangerous intersection in our respective towns, don't we? That one spot where we say again and again, "Someone's going to die if they don't put up a traffic light." Eventually, they do. But, normally someone, usually a child or a teenager, does die first. 

Why do we do that? Again and again we see a problem; we see danger. Even worse, we see a possible solution. Yet, nothing is done, until tragedy occurs. Until there's outrage and horror and the blame game whips up to hurricane strength. Then something happens. The worst part is, this isn't a small town problem. This is a national problem. Which means, more of us, more of our children, have to die before something is done.

So, what is it going to take? Sadly, I think it will take far more than what happened this week in Connecticut and Oregon. Something is going to have to change within our nation's leadership. The Powers That Be have to be the ones to take charge. They have to initiate change. They have to actually lead. Which means we're in trouble.

For years, all they've done is argue and bitch and moan and lie and watch and blame. And kill. No, they didn't point a gun at a child cowering in their classroom and pull the trigger. But, they didn't do anything to stop it either. Our leaders aren't stupid. Stubborn, greedy, and ineffective, perhaps. But, not stupid. They knew something like this would happen again. We all did. And yet nothing was done. Again.

Like millions of others, I read the article about today's tragedy on CNN.com. CNN asked us, "How do we stop the violence?" They want our input. Great idea. Great question. There are answers. America is chock full of smart, caring people who have great ideas for solutions. Doesn't really matter, though. Ideas are everywhere. The real question is, which of our leaders will have the guts to make the first move to make a change? But, even that isn't enough. The opposing side must do the same thing. Our leaders have to meet in the middle and actually discuss solutions for the greater good. When was the last time that happened? I don't know either.

So many of us cried today. So many of us cannot fathom what those parents in Connecticut are going through and will go through forever. So many of us want to do something. But, we can't. Not really. Our leaders can. 

Maybe we should tell them we're ready. Ready to try something. Anything. We've given up rights to our personal belongings when we attend a ballgame or concert when our purses and bags are searched. We've given up our bodies to be patted and searched at airports. I think we'd be willing to give up more. All our leaders have to do is ask. 

We all know, whatever it is, it won't be nearly what those souls in Oregon and Connecticut gave up. Or what we'll be giving up if something isn't done. Anything. 

Diet Pepsi Middle School

I've been a teacher for eighteen years. Aside from a short time in my formative years trying to become Indiana Jones's or Kathy Ireland's assistant, teaching is all I really remember wanting to do. I was an education major from day one in college. I earned a Master's Degree several years ago. I'm respected by staff, parents, and most students in my school, where I've just started my ninth year teaching seventh grade. I guess you could say the dream came true. It's too bad, really. 

Maybe if I hadn't become a teacher I wouldn't be so upset with the current state of education. Across this country of ours, public schools are going down in flames. It's not for a lack of qualified teachers or desire or passion or lack of need. It's a lack of money. And that is just pathetic if you think about it. 

Our "leaders" spent millions upon millions of dollars on those political commercials we all enjoyed so much. Yet, public school districts in Washington had to sue the state because some of those same "leaders" refused to follow the state constitution for minimal funding for our children. The Washington State Supreme Court ruled against the state of Washington. Nothing has changed. All those who are surprised, raise your hands.

Since there seems to be no chance our elected leaders will do their jobs in regards to funding education, I decided to step up. It's the least I can do. After all, they called me so many times over the past six weeks, I feel obligated. Here we go...

First, we need to stop begging the government for money. It's obvious they don't want to give it to us. Why should they? Kids can't vote. So, why should our elected officials care? Apparently, they don't. We need to stop asking. Besides, any time they do offer or give us money, there's a multitude of strings attached. Those strings always involve more standardized testing (which always must be given under the strictest of security, which costs millions of dollars every year). They amp up teacher accountability and evaluations tied to those test scores, and then cut our funding like it's a hazing ritual. Yet, we keep going back for more. Can't we take a hint? 

But, where else can we get that kind of money? Valid question. Simple answer. We sell out. Big time. No more schools being named after people that no kid, and even a large percentage of adults, recognize. Have you ever watched "Jay Walking" with Jay Leno? Most people can't spell Canada. People think you need a passport to enter New Mexico. Stop honoring the heroes of our past by naming our schools after them. Where's the money in that? 

We need to save our future. If we can have CenturyLink Field and Safeco Field, why not Diet Pepsi Middle School and Papa John's High School? If these companies are willing to spend millions a year to name a stadium, how much would they pay for a school and the chance to influence, uh mold, young minds? 

They can even pick our mascots. I don't care. I'll gladly teach at Diet Pepsi Middle School and coach the Aspartamers basketball teams. Pay the school three mil a year for six years, I'll proudly wear a royal blue polo shirt and shout the miracles of carbonated beverages bringing such refreshing taste with absolutely NO calories. Damn straight.

Think how much more amped up the local rivalries would become. It's not just the local schools fighting for bragging rights, it's the cola wars all over again. That's just the beginning. Comcast High School Bundles vs. DirectTV Sports Packages? Lifetime High Chick-Flicks vs. SyFy High B-Flicks? Bring it. 

School buses are so boring with their golden canvases passing by each morning and afternoon. So much blank space just wasted. We need to plaster those bad boys like a minor league outfield fence. There should be ads for local small businesses and cheap lawyers. Salons, pizza joints, and espresso stands need more advertising? Call your local school district. Buy some reasonably priced, mobile advertising space and watch your business double. For a fair price, no less. School buses might actually have seat belts and be less than twenty years old. It's a win-win.

Think of the excitement to teach and attend Apple Tech. Or Android Junior High. Verizon Elementary. Nike High School. Think of the support and counseling at E.P.T. Alternative High School. (Of course, if they had used the mascot of Trojan High, they could be enrolling elsewhere. Aeropostale HS, perhaps.) 

Do you think the brass at AT&T would stand for their grade school being out-funded by T-Mobile? I think not. There would be more top-of-the-line supplies at their schools than we could comprehend. Others would follow suit. I keep thinking of an episode of The Simpsons when they accidentally struck oil on school property. Chocolate microscopes? Approved. Public schools having computers that aren't missing seven keys and can actually be wireless in this day and age? Classrooms that are actually vacuumed more than once a week? The sky's the limit, baby.

Think of the security at those institutes of learning. You get felt up and your bags searched going to a Seahawk game. There's no way some punk is getting a Glock onto these school grounds. When was the last time you heard about a Coke or Pepsi formula being stolen or leaked to the public? What about the secrecy about the next episode of Mad Men? Are those scripts ever outed? No way. The same security would be at Lionsgate Film School. And DreamWorks Academy of the Arts. And Pixar Technical Institue. School violence at those institutions of learning? Wouldn't happen. Why? Security. That's why. 

Would there be complications? Of course. But, if Enron Stadium can become Minute Maid Park, adjustments can be made at schools whose namesakes fail or are bought out. 

"We're not Quest Elementary anymore?" 
"No, Sally, we're CenturyLink Elementary now. But, our new commercials have a slinky."
"A what?"

Kids are resilient that way. If they can handle divorce, abuse, online harassment, and the popularity of One Direction, having their school change names and mascots shouldn't even register on their Richter Scale. 

I suppose there's also some kind of moral problem with selling out. But, our elected leaders can help us with that. Perhaps, they could create a podcast that our students could listen to on their new smartphones, tablets, and electronic readers. Maybe our leaders could inspire the next generation to make the right choices with their money and responsibilities. 

Of course, someone would need to do the same for our leaders first. Maybe the kids could handle that. Or a single mother of three. Or a laid-off factory worker. Or a formerly laid-off mechanic making half his previous salary. 

On second thought, maybe we just need the damn money. Something tells me we'd be able to figure out the rest just fine.

"You" vs. "We"

It's funny how, at times, several aspects of our lives coincide simultaneously. I know we often shrug it off as "multi-tasking", but occasionally it feels like much more. There are times when we just stop and we can't help but wonder if something bigger and deeper is going on. I had one of those moments this past week.

I coach my school's eighth grade boys' and girls' basketball teams. The boys' season just started Halloween week. It was that annual event, coinciding with our national election and its aftermath that has me writing. And worrying. That and a few aggravating Facebook posts. (Ironic, I know.)

I'm always amazed every year the wide variety of kids that make my basketball team. I get mama's boys, tough boys, wanna be gangster boys, and if I'm lucky, even a few athletic boys. Regardless of the kind of players that make my team, they all have one thing in common. No matter how poorly they treat their parents and teachers, they treat me well. 

Why is that? I'm their coach, that's why. I can start them or bench them. I can make them run and run and run and run. I can still even cut them from the team. They respect and fear me. Why? I'm their coach, that's why. Basketball is important to them. Even more than that, the team is important to them. So they act accordingly. Even when I insist they treat their parents and teachers respectfully, they do it. Even if they don't agree with everything I ask them to do, they do it. Because I'm their coach. They believe in me. And they didn't even vote for me. 

Which made me wonder. Why don't the rest of us do that after an election? Love him or hate him, Obama is our coach. Why aren't we believing in him? 

I saw the following "shared" post on Facebook today. 

"Congratulations to the Democrats and Young People! You now own it. The next terrorist attack, you own it. Can't get a job after graduation, you own it. Sky rocketing energy prices due to Obama's EPA shutting down the energy producing states, you own it. A nuclear Iran, you own it. Bowing to the Soviet Union, you own it. Another severe recession, you own it. A volatile border with Mexico, you own it. Trouble getting good health care, you own it. Higher heath insurance costs and health care costs, you own it. No budget, you own it. Our allies mistrust, you own it. Another trillion of debt, you own it...

President George Bush is out of it now, and there is not another good man for you to villify and lie about. In a way, I am relieved that another good man will not be blamed when it was impossible to clean up this mess you voted for. Have a good day. God bless the United States and Texas! God is our hope now."

There are so many disturbing comments in this post it's hard for me to think straight. To me, the biggest problem is all the "you own it" phrases. What happened to "we"? When are we ever going to stop blaming and resenting the other half of our population and starting working together?

I'm forty. I'm having a seriously difficult time remembering when our country was a "we" place. A team, in other words. It happens from time to time, most notably after a natural distaster or terrorist attack. We'll rightfully send money left, right, and center to help when a hurricane like Sandy strikes. Do we bother to ask if our money is going to a Democrat or Republican then? When we hear about a fireman swimming under twelve feet of water to attach a hose to a submerged hydrant so his comrades can save a burning house, do we exclaim, "I bet he's a Democrat!" No, we don't. Why not? Because it's stupid. That's why. 

I saw a "shared" video from Speaker of the House John Boehner who said after Obama was re-elected, "The Republican Party has work to do." Not the "country" has work to do. Not "Congress" has work to do. No, just the Republican Party. Meaning since "we" didn't win this time, we have to start trying to win next time. Never mind that Congress recently garnered a ten percent confidence rate among Americans. Ten. Dan Quayle had a higher confidence rating. Apparently, that doesn't concern Boehner, or anyone else in government. At least not enough to actually change the way things have been going. 

This week in practice, my team was running back and forth across the gym at the end of ninety minutes of practice. One of my players is slower than the others. By far. The rest of the team was done and he had four treks left. Four teammates joined him to help him finish. Then the rest joined. Then my assistant coach and I did. Fourteen of us, tired, sweating, and working together. To finish. Together. 

They could have waited and cheered him on. They could have ignored him and simply drank some water. They could have said, "You're slow. You own it." But, they didn't. 

Are we part of a huge, powerful team that could work together to get our country back on top? Or are we going to stay split up into smaller, weaker, bickering teams that drag each of us down? I have no idea. 

Until I do, I think I'll keep coaching my players. At least there I can see true teammates working together for a common goal. So we all can succeed. At least there I feel good that no matter who we face, we are winning or losing together. No matter what happens, we're learning and growing. Together. 

I think I'll look there for inspiration. At a middle school.